The principles of Restorative Divorce help keep the process safe, powerful, and productive.
1. Respect
We treat each other and ourselves with respect at all times. We practice respect by speaking from the heart, not interrupting, and listening deeply.
2. Responsibility
We take full responsibility for our own actions (past, present and future) as well as our state of mind (feelings, emotions, etc.). We also take personal responsibility for getting what we want and need out of the restorative divorce process, as well as following through on the commitments we make during the process.
3. Repair
Inevitably with divorce, some level of harm has occurred between the couple and within their various relationships with friends and family. The harm can be obvious or manifest more subtly as, for example, resentment, judgment, or stress. We repair the harm, to the extent possible, by naming and addressing it head on.
4. Relationship
We prioritize relationships above our own self-interests. This is one of the marks of true adulthood and a pathway to awakening. Through repairing the harm, we support the web of relationships between all affected participants and the larger community.
Basic Goodness
“If we are willing to take an unbiased look, we will find that, in spite of all our problems and confusion, all our emotional and psychological ups and downs, there is something basically good about our existence as human beings. Unless we can discover that ground of goodness in our own lives, we cannot hope to improve the lives of others.
“When we feel that our lives are genuine and good, we do not have to deceive ourselves or other people. We can see our own shortcomings without feeling guilty or inadequate....”
—Chogyam Trungpa
Turn Into the Skid
When we encounter difficulty, we turn to face it, and seek to understand it as a contributing factor to our growth process. We work with, and not against, strong emotions. Ancient wisdom has long taught that “understanding comes through suffering.” (Aeschylus)